What does it feel like to be collared?

If you had told me a year ago that I would be a happily collared pet, I probably would have laughed at you. And yet, here I am.

My Clark collared me a few days ago. We picked out the day collar together, and had it custom done by Mockingbird Lane Wire, and the creator did an absolutely stunning job with it. See for yourself! (Sorry for the bad photo-dorm rooms don’t do it justice 🙂 )

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Once I saw it for the first time, I nearly cried with joy. It represents so much more to me than just a simple collar. It shows the strength of my relationship with Clark, and it also shows how far I have come out of my comfort zone. I have changed so much for the better in the past year, including becoming a pet, and realizing my own bisexuality. This collar is everything beautiful about those revelations to me, and for me, it shows me just how dedicated Clark is to me. We love each other very much. We have our ups and downs just like any other couple, but this- this beautiful collar is a promise to do right by me as my Dom and my boyfriend. It is also a reminder that I love him, and he loves me. It constantly reminds me that since I love him, and am his pet, I should put his needs before my own. I think it tells him the same thing, when he sees it, that he should put my needs before his. (I have always maintained, after seeing how my amazing parent’s relationship worked, that relationships are at their best when both members are bending over backwards for their partner’s contentment.) It is a tangible reminder, even more so than my beautiful ring or necklace that Clark has given me, that I belong with someone, and I have responsibilities to him. Responsibilities that I strive to fulfill in a loving way, because he deserves the best from me.

This collar proves to me that somebody wants me. I am a strange, unique kind of girl- feminist and advocate for human rights in everyday life, environmentalist, and I’ve got more backbone than I know what to do with. In the bedroom, I’m the exact opposite. I admit, at times, the apparent contradictory nature of my life makes my own head spin (although I know it isn’t really contradictory, it only appears so). It is a lot to ask somebody to accept me fully as I am, as fluctuating as I am. When I first started dating Clark, I thought I was straight, I didn’t consider myself a feminist or an activist of any sort, and knew next to nothing about BDSM. Clark has rolled with the changes admirably, adapting like a pro, and this is a physical thank you gift to the both of us for muddling through.

Clark, I love you, darling. Before you got ahold of me, I was an uncut diamond, but now I sparkle, and that’s because under your unconditional love and support, I have been able to grow until I can no longer recognize myself. I have improved myself, and I have a long way to go, but being in love with you is a constant in my ever changing world.

– Rachel

Oscars and Feminism! Opinion Piece

Hello all!

This post is a piece on the Oscars and feminism, as an Oscar winner, Patricia Arquette, used her speech to further the feminist cause. It was entertaining to watch the reactions of Meryl Streep and JLo as well. Overall, I think all of their hearts are in the right place, but the main issue I have is with Arquette’s post-speech ‘clarification’ backstage. I will address this, as well as the speech itself and criticisms Arquette has gotten about this topic.

Let me begin by praising celebrities that use their social influence to fight for the underprivileged and those without a voice. I think it is noble to use a higher platform to advocate for social justice, and I think it shows a connection back to the rest of normal humanity. As a feminist, it’s lovely to know that I have support and allies from high places, such as Arquette, Beyonce, and other famous feminist actors. It means a lot when I hear equal rights being spoken for at an awards ceremony as prestigious as the Oscars, and I enjoy the publicity that topics such as the wage gap get with speeches and statements such as this.

That being said, the speech was commendable- the post- speech clarification, not so much. This is the video that I’m referring to of the backstage elaboration on her speech, if you’d like to take a look.

Firstly, backstage Arquette calls on “all the men that love women, all the gay people and all the people of color” that feminism has fought for over the years to step up for our rights. This draws a line between any gays, or black people, and implies that one cannot be gay and a woman at the same time. Or black and a woman. Which is just baloney. I’m not black, but I am bisexual and I am a woman. I fight for both causes indiscriminately (as well as the battle against racism). It is unfair to categorize each one individually, and make it sound as if there is no cross over, because there definitely is. Asking a woman of color to fight for woman’s rights is redundant, as is asking a lesbian.

Secondly, the way she stated that these groups should ‘fight for us now’ makes it sound as if their battles are over. Those who are ethnically not white still struggle to obtain the same opportunities in society. Those who wish to marry their love, despite being the same gender, still face discrimination and difficulties. Both of these groups still fight the good fight, every day, for their right to be equal. We should all support each other in the quest for equality, but it is a mistake to imply that gays and minorities’ fights are over with. Not to mention, the whole ‘fight for us now’ coming from an ethnically white woman’s mouth sounds like she is demanding that ethnic minorities and the LGBT fight for white woman’s rights. Women are oppressed, but black or gay women even more so than normal women. They’re trying to further their own causes as well as feminism, just as a byproduct of their efforts. No need to remind them. It is anyone who directly or indirectly oppresses women that needs to be reminded that they have a mother, a sister, a female friend who needs equal pay. They have an aunt, a grandma, or a girlfriend who wants to be taken seriously in the workplace, and desires to be uplifted just like her male colleagues are. Women are everywhere. We have souls, and we feel emotions. We deserve to be politically, socially and economically equal to men.

With that being said, I appreciate the shoutout done by Arquette, even if maybe the followup wasn’t phrased as it should be. It’s a good beginning, but next time- plan just a little bit better.

Questions? Comments? Put em below 🙂

– Rachel

(Yet another) Life Update!

Hello all! I apologize for not writing so much, but life has been almost overwhelmingly busy, and I have to stay on top of it, for both my sanity and my grades. Things have been happening really fast, and it’s hard to keep up. Something has got to give, and it’s been my blog. Oops.

Well, I got the email that officially welcomes me into the School of Education! It is officially my major now, and even though the application process was a bit nerve wracking, it’s over now! This takes a load off of my shoulders. I was so worried I wouldn’t get in, even though I knew I would. It was useless to worry so much, but I can’t help it-I’m a worry wart by nature. Although that worry was just replaced by a new one: my boyfriend (who is extremely intelligent) is getting bad grades because not only does he have testing anxiety, he also has ADD and dyslexia. So that is something that gives me anxiety right now. It’s so hard to help him because I’m not even sure what I can do. It  makes us both feel very helpless, and frustrates us immensely. It’s also hard to get him to seek out help, because he takes a lot of pride in being able to master his classes without assistance. I worry a lot about the effect of these learning disabilities on his psyche.

On a more positive note, I decided to take the plunge and buy myself some small tapers! They came in the mail today. Since I have no desire to stretch out my ears (as that could affect not only my health, but my eligibility for teaching jobs), I’m going with really tiny tapers. I purchased 20g, 18g and 16g, and I won’t go any higher than 16g. Unfortunately, my parents aren’t sure that I won’t. Since they foot the bill for school, I am required to run any body modifications past them, which normally is fine- I’m not looking to get a tattoo until I’m older, and I’m getting my belly button pierced (with their blessing) on my 20th birthday at the start of summer. My parents, as cool and (mostly) liberal as they tend to be, have a few doubts about this taper thing. They are worried about them ripping out of my ears, or permanently stretching them out. Despite my efforts to persuade them otherwise, they are being a bit stubborn about this. As much as it frustrates me to say, I won’t wear tapers without my parents’ permission, because I recognize that I’m still financially under their roof, and need to follow their rules. I need to be respectful of their wishes. I just hope they can recognize the fact that tapers of this size will hardly stretch my ears at all. If they say no, it will be a bummer, but I don’t have a problem holding onto them for a few years until I’m able to do it without repercussions.

Well! That’s about it, and I need to keep studying for a test that I’ve got tomorrow. Comments? Questions? Want to wish me good luck? Comment below 🙂

-Rachel

Should Your Child Be Vaccinated?

All children who are medically able should be vaccinated.

She's Our Rock

MMR3To moms who are hesitant to vaccinate your children against the measles, mumps and rubella, please trust me when I tell you that I’m also guilty of having the same doubts.

Growing up, we relied on natural remedies–the thought of injecting your child with a harmful substance is scary. I also tuned into parent discussions and followed the latest news on the topic, so I’m fully aware of findings that show links to autism and reports of the vaccine containing harmful metals. However, with news of outbreaks gaining national attention, it wouldn’t hurt to consider getting your child vaccinated.

One story that caught my attention is about new parent, Jennifer Hibben-White, who lashed out on hesitant moms. Her Facebook post went viral after pointing out other mom’s ignorance about the matter.

You think you are protecting them by letting them eat their shovel full of dirt and reducing antibiotics and eating organic? You aren’t,’ she wrote.

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Little Life Update!

Hello all! I hope everyone is having a good day so far.

Just last night, I started talking to an old friend of mine (called Luke here) for help with picking out small tapers. [Small detour- I’m psyched about getting tiny cute tapers! I’ve been thinking about this for a few months now, and I’m finally doing it. I have no intentions of stretching my ears out, though- I think that would look pretty horrible on me. The biggest I’ll go is 16g, and that’s easily recovered from.] It was so nice to hear from Luke again that we talked until like 2 in the morning. I filled him in on how things are going with me (including coming out to him!), and it’s filled my stomach with warmth to know that one of the only people from high school is proud of how I’m changing and growing in maturity. I hope to keep the lines for communication open, because I missed his friendship. Luke and Cowlick are the only two people from high school I really keep up with. I’ve outgrown (or cut out for specific reasons) nearly everybody else, and I love that I can still rely on them to be there for me.

My Valentines day was pretty great. Clark and I don’t really do the whole flowers, chocolate and date thing on Valentines, because we think the holiday is kind of dumb. Here’s our thinking: We would rather be treated well and feel special for 365 days a year rather than get a big insincere gift that costs a lot on one day of the year. I like little surprises anyways, and I don’t want to receive a gift because it is obligation, I like little thoughtful things (like my favorite drink from the cafe, or new post it notes). Clark and I made the executive decision to make chocolate chip pancakes, and so we did, and they were delicious. He got me a gift anyway, when we were out shopping he bought me a new water bottle that I had my eye on for a while. I love water bottles! Don’t ask me why, because I have no clue. We watched The Interview, which was crude but funny, and the Lego Movie, which was surprisingly good.

Afterwards, we roughhoused a bit. I enjoy having tickle wars with him and just horsing around, despite the huge size difference (he is twice my weight and a foot taller than I am). It was so hilarious because he had me pinned at one point, and threatened to drool on me. I was laughing because I knew he wouldn’t do it. He started drooling, and he accidentally let it drop down too far to bring it back up. It was so disgusting, but his face! His face was the best f*ck up face I’ve seen in a very long time. Oh man. I laughed until I cried (once he apologized profusely and got me cleaned up). After I calmed down a bit, we started busting up about his face, which is where this meme below comes in.

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His face! It makes me laugh just to think about it. He was totally freaked out.

Anyways, other than having a ton of homework, that’s pretty much it. I hope everyone is doing well! Comments? Don’t hesitate to write to me below 🙂

-Rachel

What’s up with this “Man-Card” thing?

So the other day I was discussing what a ‘man card’ was with Clark. For those of you who don’t know what a man card is, Urban Dictionary defines it as: “Requirement to be accepted as a respectable member of the male community. Can and should be revoked by other respectable males for doing non-respectable-male things.”

I’ve never liked the idea that every male that society accepts gets a man card, and then automatically loses the stupid thing when he does something considered ‘unmanly’, such as crying after a breakup or actually respecting his girlfriend/boyfriend enough to be sensitive and caring to their needs. That led me to another epiphany about man-cards- do they automatically go away for a disabled man? a gay man? a cross dresser? someone who has retained their virginity for longer than society says they should? etc. Man cards sound like things that are very socially exclusive to testosterone riddled guys who party a lot, play sports, and generally are society’s perfect disrespectful dude. This cookie cutter frame of mind leaves out a lot of men who don’t adhere to social standards for how men are supposed to be: stoic, strong, the breadwinner, etc. That irritates me because a physically disabled man, a homosexual man, or a man who has more delicate physical characteristics are still real men. Revoking a man card implies that they are less than a man, which is harmful for psyche, not to mention that they may struggle with that problem anyway.

A man can lose his man card over something as small as musical preference or watching a show/movie that is considered feminine, i.e. if a guy likes a band like Nickelback or Fall Out Boys, or watches the Oxygen channel, his man card is revoked. They can also lose it over things like (as I said earlier) crying about a bad breakup, or hanging out with their significant other over their bros. It’s hard for me to jump on this bandwagon because of the kinds of things that can earn one a man card- beating really hard video games, learning how to shoot, getting into a fight with another guy, outeating somebody (with a manly food like wings or ribs), or showing ample interest in a manly sport such as boxing, wrestling or football.

To be completely honest, this all sounds really dumb to me. There are social standards for girls, but it’s easier for girls to defy them these days. I never adhered to the standard ‘girly girl’ fashions, I chose jeans and graphic tees instead. I caught a bit of crap for it, but not as much as a crossdressing male would, even though we were essentially doing the same things. He likes to wear dresses; I enjoy jeans and Converse. The pressure society places on men to all be from the same over agressive mould makes me sad for all who don’t fit into that mould. I can only imagine how they struggle with their self worth.

I believe society should embrace the differences- each man is a man, if they so choose. No amount of cross-dressing or physical differences/disabilities should make them feel like they are any less. Variety is the spice of life, and I appreciate those who choose to follow their hearts rather than mindlessly try to conform and please society. There will never be any pleasing society, so why not try to please yourself?

Any thoughts? I’d love to hear them. Comment below!

Have a great day. Rachel