Attempting to swim, but life is overwhelming (as usual)

Hello everyone! I quite apologize for not updating like I should have, but my Spring Break was busier than I expected. Here’s a brief rundown:

Clark came down to California with me. We had fun visiting my hometown, SLO, Santa Maria and Solvang, and he finally met my darling Cila! We had a lot of fun together, just shopping and hanging out. Clark and my family got along famously, thank God, especially with my father, which made me deliriously happy (because I’m definitely a Daddy’s girl). Clark did ask my father for my hand, and my dad said yes, but warned both Clark and I separately about marrying in undergrad. We both assured him that we have absolutely no intentions of marrying in undergrad, especially since I don’t think I yet have the maturity to be someone’s wife yet.

I was emailed about a week ago about the job that I interviewed for, and I got the job! I’m terribly excited to be working as leadership for the volunteer organization that I’ve put so much work and free time into. It makes me a bit anxious to think about, but I already have branched out this much with the students and teachers at the elementary school I volunteer with, so this shouldn’t be too big of a change. It makes my stomach quiver to think about the fact that I will actually be in charge of a group of people, and will have to confidently coordinate with teachers and the university. It will be good for me, I think. I see this as one of my first steps to becoming a great teacher, as well as a fantastic way to become a better human being. But I’m still a bit stressed about it, of course!

I couldn’t seem to bring myself to come out to my parents this trip. Stupid nerves. I know that they will probably be shocked, but will still love me and support me (I am lucky enough to have fantastic parents). I just can’t get the words out of my mouth. I can’t seem to time anything right, either. I don’t want to give either of them heart attacks, but I do want them to know that I’m different than they considered me to be, and that isn’t a bad thing. I also didn’t want to shock them too badly after Clark had asked such a huge thing of them- they need time to process this development, and pushing this on them would be an emotional overload for my slightly old fashioned parents. I think I’ll try again during our summer trip.

I love San Francisco, but I forgot how stressful being around so many people can be! We went to San Fran towards the end part of our break, and yesterday just did the tourist thing for a while- saw Ghiradelli Square, Pier 39, Polk Street, and did the fun trolley cable car thing. It was a lot of fun, but really stressful for me. I forgot how much I detest large cities- so much noise, gross smells, no one respects personal space, no one gives you a second glance if you trip in the streets. It just all seems so cold to me. Not to mention the information overload. At the end of the day, my nerves were fried. At least Clark was there, he tends to ground me and is aware of my social anxiety. He is observant, and quite sensitive, thankfully, so he notices when I begin to withdraw and holds me until the panic subsides. I’m grateful for his support.

Aside from a ton of homework, that’s about it! And I survived my tests, which I wasn’t sure I was going to do, so I’m doing alright 🙂

Have a great evening!


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