Rapid Changes

I forgot how much I hate bombshell changes. Having to adjust my plans to fit life frustrates me greatly. There’s been too much change in the last few days and I’m struggling to cope.

Clark got some bad news from his father, and long story short, Clark doesn’t have enough money to swing going to our current college. As of right now, he is planning to do community college next year to improve his grades and get his feet back under him, and then finish his degree in Math Education at a different college. They are both nearby, thank God, but that doesn’t take the shock away from such a drastic change. When I heard over lunch, I was so surprised I shed a few tears without realizing it. This throws off my plans that I laid down, naively and in good faith that Clark would remain here, with me, and I find it hard to re-evaluate my plans and how this is going to work. It’s hard to think about right now, but I know we will make it work, one way or another.

That, combined with yesterday’s friend fiasco, Clark’s birthday on Friday, Clark getting a job on Thursday, my sister’s birthday on Wednesday, and Clark’s mother coming to visit next week, makes me feel completely overwhelmed. There’s a knot of anxiety at the pit of my stomach that won’t go away, and I know it’s because my life has been shifting so quickly that I feel panicked and out of control. These are the times where I wish I had some sort of anxiety medication, because I don’t want to risk an anxiety attack.

It’s hard for me to focus on my schoolwork, despite the fact that I have a test and a large project due tomorrow. It’s all I can do to keep calm and sit here, self medicating with Oreos. I wonder what’s going to come up next.


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