Mission and Second Chances

What is the purpose or mission for your life? What is my own? It is interesting to see other people’s takes on this topic, because mine is limiting and freeing, at the exact same time.

My mission, given to me by God in the darkest spot in my life, is to serve others. My mission is to save people and ease pain. My mission is to love with my entire heart, and care for others even when they push me away. My mission is to be compassionate and yet honest, when no one else will.

This isn’t a typical sort of mission, but it’s mine. I agreed on it years ago in exchange for my own life, and I have never regretted a minute of it. Most people don’t really understand this underlying current in my existence, but most of the things I do revolve around this common factor. The mate I chose, Clark, has the patience and strength to lift me up while I struggle to fulfill my purpose. The career I have chosen gives me access to young children who need me to guide them and reassure them. My choice in friends simultaneously uplifts me and requires my own intervention, helping me to learn how to be of the most service to them and teaching me through experience how to deal with various issues.

I’m honestly still not quite sure how I received my mission. I just know that one day, I was considering suicide, and thinking about how that would be better than feeling so empty inside. I didn’t even care about my own life, and it shocks me now to think of myself like that- thinking about my own death so nonchalantly, so detached. I must have blacked out before I could do any damage to myself, but when I woke up, I knew there was a purpose to my existence. A small but firm voice whispered in my heart what I needed to do, and explained that this second chance at life was given in exchange for a lifetime of service. I’m still surprised that I agreed to it, but I think it was because of the nature of my own mission, and how it involved helping and saving and caring. No one had done that for me- and now I have a responsibility to find those who need me and help them get back on their feet. I do for others what no one did for me, and that’s why I love it so much.

It breaks me apart regularly, and it’s hard for me to come to terms with this heavy weight on my shoulders at times. I give and give until I’ve got nothing left, and it nearly kills me every time. I take on emotions for others, even though I don’t have the capacity to process them properly. The influx puts my heart and mental health at jeopardy, but every time, I end up fine. It is incredibly painful, especially when I watch those that will not allow me to help them. I can barely handle it- but somehow I do. I was remade for this, and so I continue, even though I am weak and I doubt myself. I have a drive to do this- I have a promise to fulfill. I have a duty, a job to do, and I will never regret doing it, even if it kills me.

God gave me second chances. It’s my job to give others second chances at life as well, and I will always be trying to cultivate options, loving others until it hurts, and doing my best to hold up my end of the deal. I’m not sorry it’s turned out like this- I’m just glad I didn’t get my wings too early like I thought I would. I’m stronger now than I thought I ever would be, but it still isn’t easy; I don’t think it will ever be easy. But it is the most fulfilling thing I have ever done. I don’t have a choice in the matter at this point, but I no longer want one.

Even if there is just one person I have helped, all of this will be worth it. I’m called to this, and I will continue to pour out my love and compassion until it makes a difference.

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