Walmart, Solo- Social Anxiety Style

I managed to go to Walmart by myself today. And I’m really proud of myself.

I had to psych myself up for about 2 hours beforehand, promising myself cupcakes afterwards (I was going for a few ingredients). It was terrifying, and my heart is beating like I just ran a marathon, but I did it!

As I got out of my safe zone, my car, and began speed walking towards the entrance, a car began to follow me, which really freaked me out. It didn’t need to follow me- I was at the side of the road and the rest of the lot was clear. I turned to glance and noticed it was a young man, which just made me walk faster. It was really creepy. (And part of the reason I usually wear baggy clothes. I hate being looked at.)

When I got inside, I swear everyone was looking at me. I didn’t even grab a cart or basket, racing straight to the baking isle and frantically grabbing what I needed. I checked out as quickly as humanly possible and booked it back to my car.

What is a normal, everyday thing for someone without social anxiety is a nightmare for me. I was terrified for the whole time in there. At one point, I’m pretty sure I was hyperventilating. I was on the verge of throwing up the entire time, and I can only be thankful that no one attempted to talk to me. It makes me disappointed in myself that I even consider this a step forward, because this shouldn’t be hard. But I deserve to be proud about this. I deserve to acknowledge this step forward for myself. It was hard, but I did it, and that means a lot to me. I still have a pit in my stomach, but I didn’t die and now I can go make therapeutic apple cider maple cupcakes.

Happy Fall, and happy shopping!
-Rae

Welcome Back!

Hello all!

I know I’ve sort of fallen off the face of the planet, but I’ve been insanely busy. Rather than bore you with the details of my hiatus, I’d rather tell you what I’m involved with now! I’ve got a lot of really new, very exciting things going on, and this would go very well with at least a few of them.

I now have a Twitter! I don’t have one under my real name, it’s under something similar to my blog (to both make it easier to protect myself and make it easier for people to find). Link here! It’s a more personal, more frequently updated (sorry, sorry!) version of this, so if you’re interested, head over and follow. It’s a lot less formal than this setting, so you can see a lot more of me between the cracks.

I also have been trying to educate myself in American politics, to help myself out in the coming Presidential Election (of which I can finally participate in). I have found the amazing Democratic Socialist Bernie Sanders. After halfheartedly deciding to vote for Hillary back when all this started, Sanders is a burst of fresh air to me. His views reflect almost all of mine, and I adore his honesty and his refusal to sling mud like the other politicians running. I sincerely hope you will head over and read about him. Feel the Bern! I’m actually heading to a volunteer campaign this weekend. I don’t have a lot of extra money, so I decided to volunteer my time.

Other than starting a new semester and trying to get a grip on my anxiety (which is actually going well, for once), that’s about it. I will endeavor to update more often, and I apologize for disappearing like I did.

Have a wonderful evening!
-Rae